Darkness and the Dress

On Thursday I found it. I found a dress for Esther’s wedding. No. I found the dress for Esther’s wedding. Actually I found the dress. It’s perfect. It’s pretty and will swirl around when I dance. (And I will dance). It’s a dress that I can wear whatever I want under it. No sucking in devices. It’s perfect. My life is now complete in the dress department. Youpee!! I was awfully concerned about finding something wedding worthy. I feel like a grubby kid most of the time and it was good to find something that wasn’t grubby and make me feel like I’m not the one who ruined all the photos. (Just for the record, I think it will be Lauryn who ruins all the photos. She’s so gross).
Yesterday I got scared. I am afraid of the dark and going into space and choosing the wrong partner. But I don’t usually get scared during the day. I had to check in on someone’s camp because someone apparently got the shit beat out of them and was bleeding from their head. I checked, and he was indeed bleeding. I don’t know who was using what, but I have never seen that group of friends so violent before. I was absolutely sickened. One of the guys threatened me and I actually felt threatened. I believe that the spiritual world and the natural world are one and the same and that they are innately part of one another. That camp was one dark place. It made me so angry. I really hate how life and love gets stolen away. These friends were turning on each other and beating the shit out of one another. I saw hate. That hate scared me. I am so mad that hate can exist. I have it in me sometimes too. How can I get rid of my hate and rid that camp of hate? How can I make people choose life and love? How can people choose life and love when they feel they have no choice? God help us all.