Sad Girl

I am sad. I have been all week. I am a sad girl listening to the Eels. Okay, so I may have some melancholy tendencies. And I may embrace my emotions more than necessary. I get it. Now that we've gotten that out of the way - I am sad. I originally blamed it on a broken heart due to yet another round of sibling drama. Blah. That set off my sadness, but the sad has decided it likes my body and loves kicking my ass. I went for a walk instead of going to the zoo this morning. During the walk, I came to the conclusion that the sad is likely due to my maybe house. I don't think it's due to the stress of getting everything done on time or getting the mortgage approved or even scrimping together enough money for everything. I think it's because it's a dream that I've had for years. It's a dream that the Creator talked to me about. It's a dream for intentional community and simple living. It's a dream of a continuous dance party. I really believe this is something the Creator wants for my life. Maybe not this house in particular, but living in community again. So of course I'm going to feel like garbage when it's all coming together. All that is not Love wants me to feel bad and put rotten thoughts in my head and make me worried about friendships. Well, I'm still melancholy, and I still let my emotions dictate pretty much everything, but I am going to be a little more critical of my sad. Yes, my heart hurts. Big heffing deal. There is much good. There is dance.