Closing Sucks

That's right, it sucks. The mortgage company got our would-be-house appraised and APPARENTLY the house is worth about $140 000 less than what we were prepared to pay for it. Whaaaa??? Funny thing is, the seller got the house appraised about 100 days ago, and the house is APPARENTLY worth $30 000 more than what we were going to pay. A $170 000 discrepancy between appraisals is kind of a big deal. We have an extension on the closing date so we can get the place appraised again (if we decide to). Fun fun. I know that I am a grown up and that I can handle responsibility, but I really don't know what I'm doing. Ever.

Sad Girl

I am sad. I have been all week. I am a sad girl listening to the Eels. Okay, so I may have some melancholy tendencies. And I may embrace my emotions more than necessary. I get it. Now that we've gotten that out of the way - I am sad. I originally blamed it on a broken heart due to yet another round of sibling drama. Blah. That set off my sadness, but the sad has decided it likes my body and loves kicking my ass. I went for a walk instead of going to the zoo this morning. During the walk, I came to the conclusion that the sad is likely due to my maybe house. I don't think it's due to the stress of getting everything done on time or getting the mortgage approved or even scrimping together enough money for everything. I think it's because it's a dream that I've had for years. It's a dream that the Creator talked to me about. It's a dream for intentional community and simple living. It's a dream of a continuous dance party. I really believe this is something the Creator wants for my life. Maybe not this house in particular, but living in community again. So of course I'm going to feel like garbage when it's all coming together. All that is not Love wants me to feel bad and put rotten thoughts in my head and make me worried about friendships. Well, I'm still melancholy, and I still let my emotions dictate pretty much everything, but I am going to be a little more critical of my sad. Yes, my heart hurts. Big heffing deal. There is much good. There is dance.

Money Money Money

Highlights of my day have included NOT getting mugged at the "sketchiest" Mac's store in all of the city. I had some banking drama this week. I have a free account where I can't see any one in person. It's been great so far because it's...free. Last week I tried to transfer a bunch of money so that I could write a fat cheque for our deposit. Our closing date is this Monday! My transfer didn't go through. I called my bank to make sure that it would go through and she assured me that it would. My cheque bounced on Wednesday. Because my bank is all on-line and over the phone I couldn't really get a bank draft. I tried to get a money order from the post office, but they denied me because it was for too much(?). My solution was to call and get my withdrawal limit increased for a couple of hours. Because I only had a couple of hours to get that money out, I decided to do the efficient thing and take my money out of the bank machine at the Mac's. So... I withdrew $5000 in 20 dollar bills and deposited it in the bank. Thank you God for protecting me. It is a miracle that I didn't get rolled.

P-zing!

What a week. I woke up Wednesday thinking, "Wow. I can't believe it's Friday already". Yup. Awesome. Work was insane. I had too many meetings to think or do my job. Plus, we're trying to buy a house. Plus, I'm bored so I am once again flirting with going back to school. I can't go back to school. I can hardly cover the payments from my last student loans. Egad. Formal education is such an expensive habit. The School of Hard Knocks - pretty economical. 

I felt hyped up all day Friday. I had a lot of catching up to do and a life sucking interaction and set up a business account. Fortunately, I had my second Bowen massage. I like it. It is somewhat relaxing and no disgusting oils and a gentle realignment. Sigh. Then I bought gf pizza (olive and pineapple) and watched Laverne and Shirley for the first time (my new favorite show) and then ate Pop Rocks (p-zing!) and Hot Tamales (!) and Turtles (!!). I feel sick today. Ha. I know that eating garbage makes me feel like garbage. Part of the problem is that I really like walking to the store to buy candy, and then eating the candy right outside the store because I just can't wait. I am a sucker for anything that tricks me into feeling 14. Walking with headphones and my hands in my pockets. Knee high socks and mary janes. Plastic earrings. The 14 is not worth the sick. When will I learn.

Tonight I am going to the Sing-a-long edition of Mamma Mia! Hopefully the sciatica won't be acting up (if you know what I mean...). 

p-zing, 

angie

! ! !

Hold onto your seats, friends. Do I have news for you! After years of hoping and praying one of my greatest dreams is getting awfully close to reality. We negotiated a deal(!) on the 4-plex (!) and now we're just scrambling for finances and all the closing stuff (!!!). Did you heffing hear me?(!) ! 

This is kind of a big deal. 

!

It won't be a for-sure thing until the end of the month, but if all goes as planned, I will be moving into my very own apartment in January. I can paint. I can dance. I can write with no pants on. I can make it a no-chemical, no gluten, no-meat zone. Did you heffing hear me? (!) 

I have never lived on my own and am very excited to. I am not the best roommate. I am chronically grouchy. I am always in the public space. I am always me. I think I will do well on my own for awhile. Yah!

Creeper

I tend to walk the fine line between cute and creepy. Last night was a prime example. I thought that it would be a good idea to write "fan letters" to two people that I am fans of. I mean, who wouldn't want a fan letter? I could use a fan letter. So, I bought two cute cards and wrote what I thought were cute and funny things about how I am a fan. I read them to a couple friends who didn't think that it was too bad of an idea. I thought it was my best idea ever until I reached into my purse to pull them out. As I passed them to the objects of my "fandom" I said: here is the nerdiest thing I've done all month. Yup. I don't know if I will EVER be able to make eye contact with either of them again...ever. I woke up a few times throughout the night - each time remembering that I am a dork. Regret, regret. If only I could pull off my stunts with more confidence and without regret. But, no. The regret lingers and lingers. Sigh...

For Better or Worse

We put an offer on a house! But not the house that I have a crush on.  One of my "business partners" asked if I was sad to say good bye to the house that I crushed on. I'm not sad. The house that we put an offer on is sensible. It has a perfect layout (2 one-bedrooms, 1 three-bedroom, and 1 two-bedroom). It has a yard. It has apple trees and peonies. It is in a safer neighborhood. That last one was made me most hesitant. I love the gritty. The house that we put an offer on is marriage material. It wasn't what I was expecting in some ways, but it really suits us. The house that I have a crush on just needs so much work. It is adorable and hilarious and so fun. It is in an exciting neighborhood. But it would need way too much put into it in order for it to work. I am really hoping we can negotiate a deal soon. I am also hoping that my sensibleness in regards to real estate will translate into other areas of my life...

You Smell Like Meat

I only work one evening a month. We play a movie in the drop in. Things are great. Tonight was my night. Tonight was also the night that someone broke a window in my car and then poured his or her drink all over the interior. Can you say vandalism? I am annoyed. It was meant to piss me off and it does. Was it because I wouldn't let you collect a drug debt in our building? Was it because I wouldn't dance with you? Or because I didn't smile enough? Was it just totally random? It could have been a hell of a lot worse. I am so thankful that if someone felt the need to damage something of mine that it was my car and not my leg. I think the thing that makes me the most annoyed is that this act of vandalism gives people that I love a bad name. Seriously, dude. Not cool.

Woke Up With Brain on My Head

I am attempting to go more natural with my "beauty" routine. I am slowly learning about the ingredients that go into most cosmetics. I am still reacting to eye make up and I decided it's time to make some more changes. I have also decided to stop colouring my hair. I know that the chemicals in hair colour are not good for me or the earth. Good bye nice hair. Hello my hair. I have only about 3 inches of natural hair colour. Last night I discovered that I have a patch of gray. I know that I have some stray grays, but I did not know that I have a patch. I am quite excited about it. I got my girls to go through my hair last night to see if I have more patches. I don't. I am trying to embrace aging while I am still young. I was hoping that my acne would be gone before I got wrinkles. Maybe it still will. (Fat chance). 

I am still thinking about age a lot. I feel like my inner age is 14. I love sneakers, knee socks, cute pop music, and skipping races. My actual age is twice as old as my inner age. I have a young face and a very old creaky body. I get annoyed when older people tell me how lucky I am to be young because when I get old, then my body will start to shut down. Gee whiz. (Hello middle finger, nice to see ya). I hope that when my hair shows that I'm not 23 that I'll be treated like a grown up. But then will my sneakers, knee socks, pop rock, and skipping be deemed inappropriate? Bah. Perhaps I will be mature when I stop obsessing about what other people think about me. There's a goal.

We looked at a building this week. I loved it. It is in a perfect neighborhood on a perfect street. The house is adorable and very strange. It would need a lot of work. Adding bathrooms, updating kitchens, taking out and adding some walls. It's a dream come true. I couldn't sleep that night. I have a crush on a house. I keep on picturing our life together. I really need to start going out more around people.  Wanna be my friend?