Mush Up

1. Would you interrupt a conversation with the pope?
2. I had a dream last night that I was at a reunion of sorts. Family and people from school. My mom was there and we were sleeping outside by a fire. We moved indoors where George W. Bush came to the door polling about the upcoming election. He asked me who I was going to vote for and I kept on telling that I wasn’t able to vote in the election. “Je suis canadienne”. What? “Je…suis…canadienne. I cannot vote because I am not a US citizen”. “But if you were who would you vote for?” “I’m not entirely sure, but probably for the Democratic party”. And then he left.
3. Eep! Opp! Ork!
4. Long weekend.
5. We're finally looking at a property. It looks like a hilarious building. Hilarious.

Car Sick for the Dope Sick

I was out at camp with work for the first part of this week. It was fun and beautiful and for the first time in my adult life I thought that I could maybe live out of a city. Today I got woken up at seven and told that one of the campers was really sick. By 9, I was in the car accompanying the camp staff and the camper. The day that we went out to camp, I took a gravol because I didn't want to vomit on the bus. I felt groggy and gross all day, but I did not feel nauseous. Today I decided to not take a gravol and just wear the "sea sick bracelets". I felt sick almost immediately but I was doing okay. My plan was to take the camper to her doctor and then walk back to the centre and meet the camp staff to get a ride out of town. Instead, I got sicker and sicker. When we were about 5 blocks from our destination, I had to hop out of the car, run to the garbage can at the bus stop (puking in my hands on the way to the garbage can), with a captive audience of people getting onto the bus. Fortunately I had a hoodie to wipe my hands and my face on. Heidi works close by so I stopped by a begged for a gravol. Then I walked over to the clinic to be with the camper, and I informed the camp staff that I would NOT be getting back in her car and I would stay in the city. I waited with the camper until the middle of her treatment when she got off the bed, walked out of the clinic and laid on the grass. I asked if she was going back into the clinic and she said no. I asked if she was sure that she didn't want any help from the doctor. Nope, she just wanted to lay on the grass. So I went back to work. Yeah, did I mention that all my stuff was at camp because I was intending on going back later that morning? Did I mention that all my keys were in my bag at the camp? Did I mention that I just vomited and then took a gravol? Did I mention that I didn't have my roommate's work number in my cell phone, and that the one person with an extra set of keys to my place is camping in BC? Did I mention that I was dirty and wearing flip flops?

The rest of my day revolved around trying to figure out what to do. I tried to find my roommate at work, but I don't actually know where she works. I had a cell phone and 5 dollars in my pocket. I have been sick traveling before and it's not fun. I hold the belief that the Creator does not inflict illness, but I do think that today may have been carefully orchestrated. Lately it seems that I've lost a degree of compassion for people. Being ill and messy and carrying a plastic bag with a vomit encrusted sweater without a home (at least for the afternoon) was humbling and reminded me how tough life can be. It's time for me to let go of my sadness and embrace what the Creator is free to give. My heart will get broken again, and I will get disappointed, and I will feel exhausted, and the Creator will redeem me and heal me.

I think my sense of being "burnt out" revolves around my desire for my heart to not get broken anymore.  The truth is it hurts. My favorite guy started using needles. My childhood best friend loves me but doesn't like me. Buddy Holly is dead. Dinosaurs are extinct. My heart just breaks and breaks. I considered just turning my heart off. Of not caring anymore. What is it that makes me so...breakable? The great prophet Neil Young provides me with much comfort. "But only love can break your heart". I guess it could be worse. Thank you for the gift of life. Thank you for the gift of gravol. Thank you for heart breaking love. 

Slightly Less Awkward Together

My dear friend Heidi is looking for a new car, and is considering a Yaris sedan. I think it would be so cute to see my little hatchback with her little sedan just cuddling. I wonder what the offspring of 2 yaris would be? Yari? Yariss? I recently found myself telling an acquaintence that Heidi and I aren't dating. It just looks like it. Jess and I used to go to the Goodwill just off of Whyte at least a couple times a month (until it closed - boo!). I think one of the boys that worked there thought that we were in love. We were. Just not with each other (but sometimes with the same cardigan). 

I have been thinking of my awkwardness more lately. It has become somewhat debilitating. I really don't like making new friends. There are so many awesome people in this world that I don't know and if I just stick to the ones that I do know I am missing out on who knows what. I am taking this week off to screw my head back on. I am taking time to cook and organize and yoga and read and write. There are many things that I need to change in my life. I need to start eating my seeds again. I need to start the castor oil pack. I need to downward facing dog and triangle pose. I need to get lost somewhere. I need to write. I need to pray. I need to relearn how to embrace my "other abled-ness" social skills. I feel it most at church and around churched people. I don't know what my problem is. I am a churched people. Okay, so this is my plan. I am going to go to church tomorrow and I will walk in faith that the Creator will heal me of my awkwardness. And if I still feel remnants of my former awkward self that will be just fine. It will be just fine. 

I went to the zoo today and I did 2 cartwheels. I also walked by many for sale signs. We are almost ready to start looking for properties. Hoot!