I've Said Too Much (I Haven't Said Enough)

(Please note that this post is loose in its use of the word "faith". At times "faith" is used to describe the Christian faith, or faith as a spiritual gifting, at other times the term is used for faith in Jesus, or faith in "God". If my loosey-goosey writing troubles you, then I recommend that you find something better to read).

I just finished reading "Blankets" by Craig Thompson. If you have not read it, you should probably think of doing so. It is beautiful. And it also caused me to once again question: how do people fall out of faith? 

I am very thankful that I have been gifted with faith. Faith has never been something that I have had wrestle with. It is because of my naturally acquired faith that I just cannot understand how one is able to fall out of faith. I fully understand having a distaste for Christianity. It has a pretty terrible history and its current situation isn't any better. I understand disliking fundamentalism. The heaven/hell conversation is tiring at best. Fear of the human body and sexuality? Come on. And if it is only the people that hold the exact same understanding of Jesus as Savior that I have, then there will be, at most, two dozen people in Paradise. Baugh. I can easily see why one could lose faith in the way Christianity is playing out and its players. What I don't understand is why those things have such a hold over FAITH. How those things can cause a loss of faith in Jesus. Seriously, losing faith in Jesus means once having faith in Jesus. I mean, come on, the dude turned water into WINE. WATER into WINE! The guy knew how to party. And how to treat people with dignity and respect and love. Jesus would have paid attention to ME. Not despite my gender but because I am a valuable part of Creation. Jesus. Sigh. Best boyfriend ever.

Okay, fine, I am probably just a simpleton. And I should probably just be thankful that I find faith to be so easy. The thing is, I do not understand why it is so hard for some people. I wish I could make it easier so people could just be with Jesus. For the kingdom of God is within us. I really wish I could make it easier...

My Self Esteem Means More To Me Than You Do

Ah...young love. I don't have it, but a friend does. I do not like boy drama, but he made it sound good. I'm thinking of creeping random boys on this information super highway. Then I will fall in love with one of those poor suckers and be part of the "in love" club. I will be so cool then. Too cool for school? I hope not. I am starting my masters in September(!). My coworker also got in (!).  She went to an info session on the program, and there was a boy there that may or may not be gay that she thinks we should befriend (or I should marry). We'll see. We will see.

Fu**ed Up

Some not good things. A guy took a friend's methadone to cure his hangover. He is now dead. One of the most interesting, most likable people I have ever met keeps on cutting himself. He's been to the hospital twice in a week. Third hand news: some people paid a street person $x to drink a bottle. They approached him outside a grocery store in Chinatown. When he handled it well, they gave him another bottle. He woke up in the hospital. Apparently he was hooked up to machines for about 18 hours. Help. us. please.