Why You Shouldn't Do Drugs

The following conversation is an example of why you shouldn’t do drugs.
ME: Listen dude. When you’re sober we have good conversations and we get along well. When you’re drinking you kind of creep me out, and annoy me by following me around. Do you understand what I’m saying?
HE: (nods head)
ME: Okay, what did I just say?
HE: I’m a very beautiful woman.
ME: What? No! I said we get along when you’re sober, but I don’t want to talk to you when you’ve been drinking. What did I just say?
HE: I am beautiful.
ME: No! You are not listening to me. I am not going to talk to you when you’re drinking.
HE: Why do you always get mad at me?
ME: (anger rising)
HE: When I am going to feel you up?
ME: (quickly leaving room so that I didn’t kick him in the crotch).

Listen kids, drugs cause brain damage. Don’t become a HE.

Look at that Hare!

Last night I had a dream about some guys from high school. Guys that I was not friends with in high school. I was somewhere and I noticed on the tv these guys were in a music video. I remember referring to them as a boy band even though they didn't dance and they played their own instruments. They were this band that was some how discovered 10 years later. They weren't making music now, it was from high school. I thought they were so cool. I ended going to some release party and I hung out with them. And then my long lost college friend Jeff showed up (probably because he called me last night). It was a funny one.
I think some of the boys were Jason T, Jeff J, maybe Craig B... really random guys. I did paint yesterday. Maybe the dream was an after effect of the fumes.....???

Stop Look and Listen

The other day, I went for a quick walk to the corner store to pick up a paper to check out garage sale listings. I was smart and did not go to any because, let's face it, I already have all the crap a girl could want. As I was approaching the store I noticed a small group of people. I usually try to avoid eye contact, because I know a lot of people in the hood, but I don't want them to know where I live. As I made my way closer, one of the guys yelled out: look at that girl! It was funny. It was the best heckle I have ever heard. I didn't feel dirty. I mostly just giggled. But it did get me thinking...maybe I should stop wearing my tube top in public. 

The Art of Being Ugly

I have been looking for old photos of myself for a slide show for our 10 year high school reunion. Fun, fun, fun. Apparently I was a pretty baby, I then became cute up to about age 9. That's the year I got glasses and by that time my hair (specifically my bangs) began to be routinely tortured by perms. No longer cute. The ugliness continued until about the age of 21. I think depression and my general sense of not wanting to be largely contributed to the ugly. Now, I don't want to sound like I'm challenging God or anything, BUT seriously...adolescence was a mistake, right? What an awful awful time. By grade 11, I had a firmly established friend group that were really really great. I didn't look good, but I felt pretty good.

I have been pouring through old photos and looking at my brothers when they were little. It makes me sad to think of things that they are now dealing with. I am also quite sad because they used to really like me. I feel loved by my family, but sometimes it would be nice to feel liked and understood. Ugly remnants have stayed and hardened me. I am not easy to know. I spew out facts, often without discretion, but manage to remain cold and reserved. I know it's not all my fault that things are the way they are, but I sometimes just really wish things didn't suck so much. 

My Ears Popped

Although this is no longer a body blog, my effing ears just popped. I have tried the cover the nose and blow strategy since high school, and it just doesn’t work. But due to my chronic dizziness/unbalance, I decided that it was time to take charge. The Eustachian tube clearing exercise only does so much (tug up and out on ear, and with opposite hand massage down side of neck to shoulder blade). I read a description of an exercise: take a breath in, and pinch nose as you blow out. It is the same stupid exercise as cover your nose and blow out, but it now works. I do it differently some how. I am excited. I may still have problems, but I now have another exercise. Yip!
I had an extended long weekend. I worked half days both Thursday and Friday, Monday was a stat, and I took Tuesday off. It was good. My housemate is on vacation, so I spent the weekend not fully closing the bathroom door and flushing the toilet only when necessary. My water consumption is almost manageable. I went for walks, and watched tv, and organized some papers, and saw some friends, and planted some flowers, and pretty much just chilled and it was awesome. And I’m not so dizzy now that I have learned how to pop my ears. Yip! Yip!

Do It

Today I started a blog about my body. Try to find it. I dare you.

So Sensitive

Just got back from the naturopath, and I am sensitive to tapioca. So that's why I vomited after bubble tea. I'm glad to have this knowledge, but I don't think there is any prepared bread that I can eat now (I even checked an organic bakery nearby, and the gf bread was a no-go). I'm going to have to find a new gf flour recipe, now that corn AND tapioca are off limits. I wasn't so sad this time. I think I'm going to stick it out until I'm done the desensitization treatments. 

Someone's Crying, My Lord, Kumbaya

I have been seeing my naturopath every week for the past few months for this allergy desensitization stuff. The last 2 times I have felt very very sad during the session. I am having a hard time discerning where this sadness is coming from. Part of it stems from the fact that I have been doing so much self care and cutting out foods and introducing other foods, and I'm still not feeling great. But I think it could be more than just disappointment. I want to honor what my spirit is telling me. Maybe it's time to to stop seeing my doctor for awhile. I just don't know. 

I saw some friends right after my appointment, and we had a good week/bad week night. We tell each other good things and bad things, things learned and re-learned, things the Creator has taught and how we've tried to ignore the Creator. I was feeling really low and I mostly just cried. My friends prayed for me and encouraged me and it was nice. Today, I got an email saying that some of my friends skipped lunch today and fasted and prayed for me. My initial reaction was anger because it's so annoying when people pay attention to me. And then I thought of how I would feel if someone else was given this treatment. I would be thrilled and exclaim things like: now that's what community should look like! So I decided to not be angry. So, friends, even though only two of you read this blog, I want to say: thank you. (Oh Lord, Jambalaya).

Fame

Baugh! I am so grumpy. I accidentally got interviewed about a project and my name was in the media and I'm kind of in trouble at work. Baugh! I never wanted to be famous. Not true. I do want to be famous. I want to be internet famous. Ideally I will one day do something awesome. My awesomeness will be known by some people that I don't know. It will be the kind of infamy where you get back from the grocery store and you tell your friend, "I saw this local celebrity buying carrots. It was awesome". That's the kind of fame that I want. I want fame to follow my rules. I don't want to be famous for drinking too many martinis and then joining a riot and then getting assaulted by the police. I want to be famous for wearing shoes that are just too cute. Or for really liking dinosaurs. Or for having a really good idea. I don't want to be famous for accidentally giving an interview. Baugh! Fame why can't you just learn to follow the rules?!

Give Me an "A"

I am on a library high. I walked there tonight and it felt like my best library visit yet. The older men played chess upstairs. I watched a group getting a tour of the ESL materials. It was just so pleasant. Plus, both of my library-related crushes were there. It was perfect. 

Speaking of perfect, I met my niece this weekend. Her name is Lainey and I really like her. The last babies that I was closely related to were Jo-Jo and Mr. T. I was only 7 when they were born, and wasn't around them much for the first couple of months because they were so little and sick. I am generally nervous around infants - my hands are so strong, and I don't want to crush the poor baby. But I did it. I held her and didn't break her and we bonded and it was awesome.  Awesome.