Is That A Unicorn in Your Eye Or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Last weekend after building a fort with my pals, we played a game of Yahtzee and then took a little nap in the fort. My glasses were off because of the nap. We decided to destroy the fort and then I made a blanket monster. One of my pals didn't like my monster, and threw a stuffed unicorn in my direction. And then the unicorn hit me right in my eye. I am almost 32 and narrowly escaped blindness from a blanket monster-unicorn related injury. Ha.

Tame That Lion

I recently heard someone talk about her experience with culture shock. Some of her coping shenanigans involved dating a lion tamer and an attempted b&e. My move three hours south has not been that dramatic but I've gotten into a few situations.

Here is a potential conversation (based on true events) that I would like to have with my grandma one day:

Grandma: So how are things going in Calgary?
Me: Ummm... okay. I joined a gang with my gay friend and a boy I met on the internet who I have developed a non-sexy friendship with.
Grandma: Errrr....
Me: Yeah. I had a crush on that boy until he brought me into a conversation that ended with my talking about hymens.
Grandma: Oh my....
Me: No. It was good. I have since implemented what I call the "hymen threshold".
Grandma: Errrr....
Me: Yah, and my non-sexy just sent me lesbian porn.
Grandma: ???
Me: I'm glad we had this conversation.

I Think I Might Be an Evangelical

Listen up, Internet! I got something to say!

I've been thinking about changing churches. I've been at my (baptist) church for almost a decade. I like many things about it. I feel like it's made up of folks who are earnestly working to make the world a better place, and collectively have a beautiful faith. Sunday mornings are usually pretty okay times, and has an impact on my week. But I have some concerns. A few months ago all the Elders came to the front of the sanctuary. I have no prior memory of seeing all the Elders together. There were no ladies in that group. This hit me really hard. I know that my values are not fully in-line with many of that church, but the visual representation of the role of women hurt my heart. Having children of my own isn't really part of my plan, but I sure would like to foster at some point. Is it ethical for me to bring children to a church with (mostly hidden) sexist values? Did I mention that my dream is to foster LGBTQ kids that aren't safe at home because of their LGBTQ-ness? Would an obviously gay boy be accepted at the youth group? I think many would be amazing and inclusive, but I do not think it's out of line to assume that some would be a little on the rotten side (and I'm not just talking about the youth). Do I work on establishing roots in an affirming church for the possibility of fostering? Should I leave my current church or wait it out? What should my role be? Am I up for trying to stir things up a bit?
When I talk about my faith, I identify as Christian, who attends an evangelical church - and doesn't particularly identify as evangelical. This semester I've stayed in the new west a few weekends and have started attending a united church. I pretty much want to cry (in a good way) when I'm there. It's nice to see a diversity of families. It's nice to hear talk about the environment. It's nice. I feel the spirit there. It's easy. I am so accustomed to sitting through Sunday services with a critical ear and the sense that: if they only knew how many dirty word combinations I can come up with... I want to leave my current church because it would be easy and it's nice to be around more like-minded people.
Reasons to stay connected to an evangelical church: I really love Jesus. I see good in the intimacy with Jesus that results from actively seeking to integrate him into my heart and my life. The person-centered focus can distract from the work that Jesus' life, death, and resurrection have on bringing justice to the world - but I think the work that can happen in the person can lead to bringing justice to the world. I think the good news is GOOD FREAKIN' NEWS and should be shared. (I mean, I want the world to know about the need for nasal irrigation. Why wouldn't I want to talk about Jesus?!). BUT I can already feel the novelty of fitting in wearing off. I think I've come to find comfort in feeling slightly out of sync.

Hmmm... so all that to say that over the course of writing this post, I now don't know if I'm going to change churches anytime in the near future. I think when I get back home in the spring I will make the choice to once again start investing time and energy into the church. And I will start voting conservative. Wink. Because I might be an evangelical. WInk wink. (omg lol).

Welcome Back, Self

So a year of my life has not been documented on the world wide web, and yet the earth continues to rotate. Who would have thought? 2011 was a year of transition. I left my job. I eventually recovered from my job. I gardened and sold vegetables. I ate a lot of dandelions. I went back to school full-time and moved to the heart of the new west to study. I entertained myself with two months of mostly regrettable boy drama. It was a difficult year and I’m glad it’s over. Coming out of the year of transition, I really felt a sense of momentum. Nothing major, but I’m moving into something new.
I’m studying things that I care about. I made a new friend (hey boy) who has caused me to (re)examine and (re)articulate my understanding of my faith: heaven, hell, sin, and the character of God that keeps me rooted. I’ve learned that I am capable of making new friends and that my heart doesn’t entire stop beating when I’m apart from those I love. I learned that I am in love with watching roller derby. I like a sport! Whaaat?! Also, I’ve adopted a new speech pattern where I “abbrev” my words. The words that receive the most abbrev attention are: totally (totes), ridiculous (ridic), obviously (obvs) and my favorite…oh my god laugh out loud (omg lol). That is all for now. I am obvs procrastinating. I’m excited for what is to come. Hey girl.

Merry Merry

Almost done a Bored to Death marathon. By myself. At my parent's house. At Christmas. Sigh. Lonely.

Wink Wink

I was at the gas station today and went to the till and I thought the cashier winked at me. It was weird, but maybe he had something in his eye. He was nice and smiley and I "tried" to give him grace and not give him the stink-eye. I'm constantly trying to practice being nicer to men. He's Indian, and he told me that my nose ring is "Indian Style". He continued to smile at me throughout the transaction and then on my way out he winked at me again. I can't remember the last time someone earnestly winked at me. It was weird. I'm not sure what it is about me that attracts such strange people. Pheromones?

Meathead

Hey, I randomly found a blog about someone learning to eat meat. How very interesting. (Too much?)

Inuitive Philosophy of Quantum BS

First, the extra boring stuff. I have established a friendship based on awkwardness with the fellow from the previous posts. He does not want me as his lady wingman – he apparently does not need such a person in his life because he is so good with the ladies. Yes, my eyes are rolling. This idea may not have been my best idea, but I’m sure it wasn't my worst.

Now, for the less boring stuff… I met my life goal of seeing Belle and Sebastian! I had a lovely trip last week. I flew to Portland on Sunday. I was a little gravol-ed and Sunday was pretty much a write off. I met Justina at the market where we looked at crafty-touristy things. I hauled my pretty pink suitcase around for what felt like a year. We checked into our room for the night and did some exploring of the city. I bought an eye-opening graphic novel about Malcolm X. Monday morning we got up bright and early and dropped off our bags at the Ace. Hipster overload. It was a great place with a really comfortable bed. We did a walking tour and later met Becky at the train station. More exploring and tasty food.
TUESDAY I SAW B&S! They were great. Life goal completed. Wednesday Becky and I took separate trains to Seattle, and Justina flew home later in the day. Seattle was…fine. I liked the hostel I was staying in. Went to the Seattle Art Museum. Ate a waffle. I saw B&S again, and Cat Power. Wow. She sure is a talented musician. Too bad about her anxiety. Eeeaaaarrrrrllly Friday morning I got up and went to the Amtrak station. Despite being there two days earlier I got lost. But I made it in time and enjoyed the ride to Vancouver. Bummed around Vancouver for the day then jumped on the train home.
Now time for reflections… I like the train, but I do not like sleeping in coach. Next time, I hope to get a sleeper. I like meeting homeless people in cities unknown to me. There were tons of people asking for money in Portland. It wasn’t until I was in Seattle that I realized that they were all white. Hmmm… In Seattle I was in my best business casual skirt (but still appropriate for a pop concert) when a busker tried to warm me up by telling me he liked my glasses, I was dressed well, and I looked like Katie Couric. Maybe all white women look kind of alike but even so I do not look like Katie Couric. Not even a little. I was talking to some street folks in Vancouver about a tent city that’s popping up in Feb 2011. One guy was quite the story teller. My favourite line was how he was once so cold he “froze his kidney”. No kidding. On the train a guy in his 50s? 60s? sat with me for awhile and told me a story about how he’s a writer and he’s working on a new piece about (pause for 50 seconds) “intuitive philosophy of quantum time”. Pretty sure he was shitting me. Overall it was a good trip. It was soooo good to be away from regular life. And soooo good to be back.

Jack Donaghy

Just a quick follow up. After more discussion with my lady friends about my efforts at friendship/wingman status, I was brought back to reality. I was encouraged to take a walk down memory lane of all the straight, single men that have been my friends. Then I was encouraged to ask: where are they now? How did that end? Right-o. I'm still hoping that I found my Jack Donaghy, but maybe Jack Donaghys don't exist in real life. I still have a little hope and have fantasized about our friendship of solving mysteries together, learning how to make the perfect Belgium waffle and terribly awkward conversations about pretty much everything. Sigh...

Whoops

I made yet another risky social decision today. There is a new guy at work who I wasn't too sure of at first. After a few interactions I warmed up to him and decided that I should probably acquire him as a buddy. I was thinking of things that he would do with his buddies and I came up with: picking up chicks. I thought, hey, I could be his lady wingman. We could bond as I help him meet girls. Our friendship would be clear from the beginning. Just friends. I thought it was so clear. After polling a couple people it became clear that I may have been heavily flirting. Whoops. I have some explaining to do...

:(

Grandpa passed on Thursday afternoon in the company of his youngest daughter. I felt numb and was able to keep it together until I entered the hospital room with his still body. I lasted about seven seconds before I had to leave. I'm not going to have the pleasure of my grandpa's company on this earth again. I'll miss sharing birthday parties with him. I'll miss looking at his beautiful wavy silver hair. I'll miss his ginger carrots. I'll miss him a lot. I'm so thankful for the thirty years that I enjoyed with him. I'm so thankful and so sad. I also feel like a weight has been lifted. He was sick and uncomfortable and it was exhausting watching him suffer and wait.
This was my most intimate encounter with dying. When I saw him after all life had left I realized how I have been simplifying life into living and not living. His body died, but what changed from the last few days of struggling breaths to the moment that breath stopped? Did the last heart beat free his spirit? Did the last breath change anything for his spirit? I saw him passing for weeks. For months. Once again I'm surprised my simplistic thinking. I blame it on my early years as a fundamentalist. Creator, continue to care for my grandpa. Help him choose life and love. Continue to heal him from all of life's scars. Help him choose love. Help me choose love.

Choose Your Own Adventure

I am not one to have a lot of goals. Call me lazy if you must. I have a few dreams. I’d like to be a farmer. I’d like to have nice hair again. The one goal that I’ve had for the last five? six? years has been to see Belle and Sebastian. They haven’t toured North America for years. Last week I decided to take the plunge and buy a ticket for a show in Portland in October. I’m excited. I have been preparing for this show since “Dear Catastrophe Waitress” came out in 2004. I went through a few years of getting dressed in the morning thinking: how would I want to present myself if I was going to a Belle and Sebastian concert today? I’m excited. I have about three months to plan the perfect cardigan-knee sock combination. My tentative plan is to fly to Vancouver where I will meet Becky. She's planning on visiting a friend for a few days. Then we’ll bus/train down to Portland for a couple days of exploring together. She’ll find her way back to Edmonton while I stick around for a bit – maybe go to a show in Seattle. Then I’ll take the train the rest of the way home. I’m excited. I think this adventure will be a good balance of alone and not alone. Train! Bus! Plane! Exploring a new city! Maybe I'll take up knitting again. Maybe I'll read a book or two. With pictures. I'm excited.

Losing, Loser, Lost

So I've recognized a pattern in my life, and I've decided that it's best if I make it public. Every time a good friend gets married I have a serious sense of loss and become very very sad. This weekend I lost not only one, but two friends to marriage. So, dear friends, if you find a love and decide to leave me for him/her, do not be alarmed if I start to be very mean to you, drink too much, or cry incessantly. It's just my way. My very dysfunctional way.

This One's For the Ladies

Lately I haven't been feeling sufficiently self-indulgent to blog. But I've been saving up little bits of self-indulgence here and there until now. And now, ladies and gentleman, for your reading pleasure, here are some updates on my very mundane life...
My grandpa is really sick. It makes my heart hurt. He's living in a care facility and has put his house up for sale. I'm hoping to dig up as many of his perennials as possible. I miss him already.
I had to yet again drastically change my diet. This time it's for the bacterial overgrowth. No carbs, sugar, fruit, soy, beans, etc. Not a good prognosis for a vegetarian. So now I'm a vegetarian in heart and a stinky fish eater in body. My body is doing weird things. One of those things is that I can't really process alcohol. I had some friends over from work and I had to leave the celebration early because it set off my vertigo. I was sick for a couple weeks. I turned 30! During the party while sitting around the fire, I exclaimed "I'm thirty!" While shouting, I kicked my leg, causing my shoe to fly off my foot, hitting my glasses, knocking them off my face into my lap. WTF is right. It was pretty much the best thing that's ever happened to me. Shortly after, I got a case of the dizzies and had to leave yet another party early. I cried myself to sleep. (Ha!) (I have since started getting Bowen treatments again. Last time I was there, she did a move that took away my tinnitus, and I haven't been nauseous since!)
I finished the first year of my masters program! No more school until September!
J&A got married! I was pretty spazzy with most of the best lady duties. I'm not handling my own life very well these days, and I had a hard time throwing parties and not being a total buzz kill. I tried hard. I borrowed my mom's mini van and decorated it with a disco ball and streamers and insisted that it be called the party wagon (about an hour ago, I ran into a fence and dented the side of the van. Party wagon has been partied out). The day ended up being lovely. Highlights for me included:
* locking my keys in the van right before we were to leave to pick up the bridal party to get our hair done
* spending 70 bones to get said hair done
* hearing that my lovely housemate called AMA and got the keys out of the van while I was still at the salon (who hearts community living? I heart community living!)
* making it official
* spending the day with people who are easy to be around
* a boy who thinks I'm a drag made efforts to talk to me because I was cleaner than normal, and had $70 hair (WTF is right)
* the d.a.n.c.e.
* J's enthusiastic dancing cousin
* my ladies and I did an airband to the Darkness - "I Believe in a Thing Called Love" and we were really really good
* dancing around a boy from Washington, D.C. to the Magnetic Field's "Washington, D.C."
* convincing everyone to join me in closing the dance to Leonard Cohen's "Closing Time"
* awkward conversation with one of A's friends when he told me that the Al Green in the playlist made up for my previous song mistakes. I told him he was being passive aggressive. The conversation continued for another couple of minutes. It probably should't have.

* no more wedding!
I got a dancing hangover from Saturday. I was so wired I haven't really been able to sleep the last couple days. Perhaps the lord will bless me with sleep tonight. Perhaps.

give up

One community garden, two deaths and one severe beating. And it's only Wednesday.

Ticket to Ride

Likes: wine, doing homework while watching friends play board games
Dislikes: everything else

Cage Fight for Peace

Last night I had a dream that I was fighting with a coworker. I think the dream got me ready to yell at him this morning for an action that I thought was totally unsafe and out of bounds for his role. We talked about it later in the day. I still think that I am right and he is wrong. I have been thinking a lot about the different skill level of workers in my industry. In response, I decided to marry my school and work life and write a proposal for a peer-supervision group. I need accountability in my professional life, and I need to feel like I am working with professionals. I want to be able to continue working where I'm working, but things need to change.

ps. my grandpa is sick. it breaks my h.e.a.r.t.

Creepy

I get so pleased when I am reminded that I'm in the right line of work. This afternoon I was reunited with one of the creepiest women I have ever met. We talked while I was supervising one of my faves making music on a keyboard and howling. Creepy music, creepy crazy lady, and a mouth that hurts from smiling.

Listen Up!

I just saw a Crayola commercial and I'm pretty sure they were using the Unicorns song "I Was Born a Unicorn". Whaaa?

Is That A Worm In Your Intestine or Are You Just Happy to See Me?

Today I went to the thrift shoppe and spent a whopping $14 on books. My new favorite book is Jurassic Park and I decided that I like Michael Crichton even though JP is the only book of his that I have read. So now I have eight more to read (I really hope they're all about dinosaurs. I really like dinos). Maybe I'll read them when I'm on the beach. In Maui. In April. Woot woot is right. Before then I have to start a few assignments and finish a course and get rid of worms and a bacterial overgrowth. Ha.

Not So Crazy After All

Guess what? I just found out that I have hookworm chomping on my intestines. How awesome is that? I am hoping that when I get that cleared up digesting and living in general will be a little bit easier. The funny thing is that hookworm is also being used to treat things like hay fever, asthma, crohns and celiacs. I have some fear that I kill the parasite and then everything goes to shit. We'll have to wait and see. It's a little depressing when the discovery of a parasite is guaranteed to be the best thing that happens all month. I need somethings to change - and soon.

Three In One

I am working on putting together a party for work this Thursday. It is going to incorporate Groundhog Day, Valentine's Day, Chinese New Year, and Yahtzee. I'm not sure how to represent all of these interests. The Yahtzee is a no-brainer. I think I'll make heart gf sugar cookies and hang up a paper lantern. I may also wear a mustache and respond indignantly when someone challenges me on how it is representative of groundhogs. Any other ideas?

The Good Old Days

I don't get as many terrible interactions at work like I once did. I was reminiscing about this one. Ha!

And...

I have been a grouch-bot this week and I think it's time to think of things that don't suck. I just heard one of the best giggles from one of the best people (who also happened to punch me in the head once). And I finally got a chance to play with the Lunch Hour Yahtzee Working Group. I didn't win, but I did get a Yahtzee. And I get to go to an engagement party tonight. And I get to buy a dress and be the best lady at their wedding this summer. And I have an assignment due tomorrow. And I'm sitting at work neither working nor writing my paper. And I'm wearing more pink than should be legal.

Argh

Over the Christmas holidays, everybody's favorite client passed away beautifully in his sleep in the company of family. I will miss him, but it was so comforting to know that it wasn't a violent death and he wasn't by himself. What impacted me most was how I am so privileged to be able to grieve in the privacy of my home. I was impacted by this guy's life, but he wasn't my friend. He wasn't my cousin or my brother. I was sad to lose him, but even sadder that life is terribly unfair. People don't have a safe place to brush their teeth, to be intimate with a partner, or to mourn for a good friend. I cried more with this realization that I did for the loss of a beautiful life. I am embarrassed that it took until now to form these thoughts. What.the.hell.?